Camp

We set a date months ago for our wedding camp. I wanted from the start to have an outdoor wedding, where we can really invite everyone who means something to us. One without the structure of a standard legal wedding. A handfasting, if you like.

I finally realised the other day, that this really is not happening this summer. We cannot afford to hire either a field and portaloos or a campsite, what with Fast still not in work.

It's time for me to make an effort to craft my way to a handfasting. I need to get making stuff and have a go at selling it on etsy to make some cash!

Happy New Year

OK, so I have done my usual and completely flagged on the posting. This always happens, because life gets in the way and all of a sudden it has been almost three months since I wrote and I've thought about it maybe twice before getting distracted by something else.

Also I confess to having the memory of an ADHD afflicted goldfish.

Since October, I have:

- Got over my three-week newlywed flu.
- Celebrated our 1-month wedding anniversary with a training course in Birmingham on Business Interruption Insurance
- Celebrated our 2-month wedding anniversary with a cheap and poorly microwaved meal at the local hotel/restaurant, but at least we also shared a good bottle of wine to make up for it
- Completed my second half term as a brownie leader, making me 1/3rd of the way through my first year
- Made some inroads into a quilt project I first bought fabric for over three years ago
- Completed a cross stitch sampler to wish everyone a "Merry Fucking Christmas". It has hung by the front door this whole Festive season
- Completed the Elephant Cushion cross stitch kit I got for my birthday
- Had through from the photographer the CD of our wedding photos. They are gorgeous
- Moved house

Yeah, we finally decided that there was not much sense in us staying on the edge of the national park, when there is no work for Chris, and I spend the best part of three hours a day travelling to and from work. We have moved to a gorgeous house with double glazing, central heating, a shower, and enough space downstairs that Chris's disabled parents can come visit us. I now spend less than a hour getting to work, and am home by six in the evening. It's heaven.

There is a good college less than 5 miles away, and Chris plans to go back to education in September. The house even has a big enough room for a dining table, so (thanks to a freecycle dining table) we can actually have people for dinner and use those cut crystal tumblers. Haha!

We had a housewarming barbecue on New Year's Eve, having only moved in on the 12th December, and only cleared the old house completely on the 23rd. I managed to have time off between Christmas and New Year to make the house presentable, and we had a really great time.

Ribena from a cut crystal tumbler

Today marks our one week anniversary of being married. I have spent the whole day in my pajamas and dressing gown writing our thank you notes. I still have a few more to do, but I have broken the back of them now, and figured it was time to chill out for five minutes.

One of the gifts we have been given is a beautiful set of six lead crystal highball glasses. They really are stunning, but I have spent the last week thinking that they would end up being put into storage for twenty years until we have a dining table, in a dining room, with adult guests for dinner and no young children in the vicinity. Maybe even twenty five years.

Chris just came back from Tesco with bags full of value crisps, reduced cheese and BOGOF frozen peas, and I made a joke about us hoping to one day have a dining table to go with the glasses. We laughed and decided to grab a drink each. Chris opened the glass cupboard, and asked me which glass I wanted, and I made a decision. Having these glasses is great, but pretty pointless unless we use them, at least occasionally. So we washed a couple of the glasses, and we are now drinking beer and squash from stunning crystal tumblers.

Classy!

Continuation

I've been ill this week with a stonking cold that Chris has generously shared with me. While he has been tucked up inside recovering and fighting the virus, I've been at work, so I should imagine that I will be hit with the full force this weekend. Fingers crossed that I will be fighting fit by Monday though!

I want to continue (in a way) my last post, as I don't think I am finished on the subject of the wedding or of marriage. It is really important to me that I don't forget the little things. Like having breakfast with my parents and brother in the Asda cafe on the Saturday morning, and the texts that Chris and I sent each other as the morning went by. The mad dash from the Travelodge to the Swan Hotel at 2pm when my hair was 1/3rd in rollers, 1/3rd pinned curls and 1/3rd still to be curled, leaving me booking into my room in jeans, a massive baggy black T of Chris's, unlaced boots and rollers.

My dress was very low cut at the back, and I had to be very careful what underwear I wore. This photo was taken at the shop I bought the dress at, and if you look carefully, you can catch a glimpse of my fucshia big pants at the bottom of my back. On the day, I had taken all my clothes off to put this dress on, and in the rush to get out the door, I never put my correct pants on. I got married without any knickers on! Brazen hussy. (I didn't tell Chris until after we were married, on the outside steps of the registry office while we were having photos taken.)

My friend Laura texted me on Tuesday morning, to ask me if married life was different to living in sin. It is. It feels, if that were possible, more permanent. Chris and I were already happy and committed and convinced that we would be and wanted to be together forever, but it still feels different.

I asked Chris if he felt different, and he said he felt like 'us' was now higher in his thoughts than 'me and you', that our future was now more in his hands. We both still want the same things, but somehow the perspective is different.

I am even happier than before. I'm not yet used to my married name, I can't sign without a lot of thought, I still answer the phone wrong and haven't got around to taking my dress to be cleaned. Most of my documents I have not even started to change, I haven't fully unpacked my suitcase, I'm working on my thank you notes and still reeling from the notes being 20p each and the stamps being 30p each, but despite all this, I FEEL married. Or maybe I just feel like a newlywed, and feeling married is yet to come?

Newlyweds

We did it, and it went with hardly a hitch!

I loved:
-seeing Allan filming the whole thing as I arrived at the registry office.
-standing just outside the marriage room, seeing my friend Liz just inside the door looking at my dress and smiling at me.
-walking in to see Chris for the first time that day, and smiling like mad at each other.
-grinning the whole way through the ceremony, and shaking from the nerves the whole time I was at the registry office.
-when the registrar asked Chris if he took me as his wife, and he answered 'yes' instead of 'I do'
-when we made our vows to each other, and I've never meant anything so much in my life.
-making each other laugh as we grafitti'd the fake register
-walking through town to the car to go and take photos, and standing on top of a concrete bollard while Chris used a public loo.
-Chris picking me up off the bollard and carrying me towards the car.
-taking photos in the woods on the way to the castle for photos, then clambering on the walls for more shots.
-arriving at the restaurant where everyone was waiting for us and enjoying each other's company.
-laughing and joking with all of our best friends and closest family.
-the Frustration tournament that seemed to happen between Laura, Lauren, Beki and Mike.
-cuddles with Conor, who was his usual curious self and behaved impeccably.
-the couple of hours after we got back to our hotel where we revelled in being married, and just enjoyed relaxing, discussing the day, opening cards and gifts, lounging around and drinking wine.
-waking up the next morning in our posh suite and going for breakfast.
-my veggie breakfast including baked beans, and Chris scraping them off as I held the plate, without us even having to discuss it.
-calling each other husband and wife.
-Chris being a lurgie monster on Monday, and realising while he slept that, actually, marriage had changed everything, and I love him even more now that we made that massive commitment to each other.

One Day...

Yes, there is only today left of build-up. The wedding is tomorrow. I am freakily calm. Calm enough to be blogging, rather than running round the house packing stuff up. The 'almost silent part of the movie where the hero is stalking around the set with a very quiet creepy backing track and he isn't going to see anything really awful yet but they have to build the suspense' kind of freaky-calm.

Apart from the whole so stressed that I have been back and forth to the loo twice already and I haven't been up more than 90 minutes, but I don't think you needed to know that. If I eat tomorrow I will be surprised.

There are still a few things to get finalised, like getting cake, and making some signs to say thanks in our photos, and wrapping up Chris's present, and making sure we don't forget anything, but otherwise it's all pretty sorted.

I suppose really I should go and get packed up. Wish me luck in not tripping up down the aisle!

Today

Today I have curlers in my fringe to repair it from the motorcycle helmet monster while I type this and eat a bagel and drink smoothie. Multi-tasking FTW!

Today I will pick up my wedding dress from the second dressmaker and the third attempt to take it up correctly. I have faith that I will be singing her praises this evening.

Today I must check what time I am helping in the Guiding Shop tomorrow morning.

Today I still have only half the responses I need for our wedding invites.

Today Fast is sleeping in because he was up 'til half one playing computer games.

Today I feel really relaxed because he gave me a brilliant back massage before I slept last night.

Today is hopeful.

Phew!

It seems so easy to fall out of a habit. Then it is hard to get back into the habit. If only bad habits didn't work the other way around.

It's Wednesday, and we have about 10 days til W-Day. All of a sudden my best hopes of a stress-free organisation of our wedding seem pie-in-the-sky. I was busy thinking about Friday night/Saturday logistics while riding to work the other morning, and I suddenly realised that I was going past the junction with the A167. Did I just pass the petrol garage? OH MY GOD I just drove past the petrol station. Please God let me make it to the next garage, I really don't want to have to push this bike 5 miles to the next town.

Reminder to self: fill the car up with petrol on Friday morning to prevent this happening on Saturday.

This weekend doesn't seem to exist. The only Friday, Saturday and Sunday in my near future are the ones of the wedding weekend. Luckily, work is even slower than normal. I spent a good portion of day making a super-detailed packing list so I don't forget anything when we leave home on Friday.

Reminder to self: put board games on the packing list.

I did manage to notice the beautiful sunset as I drove home tonight, and dragged himself out up the hill for a walk and a chance to watch the sky change. Then we came home to the cajun wraps he had cooked, and we are now deciding on our music for the ceremony.

Would it be so awful if we kicked out 'here comes the bride' in favour of 'smack my bitch up'?  Does 'closer' by NIN count as religious? Would our friends perform their excellent version of 'fuck her gently' once the grandparents have retired for the night?

Reminder to self: look again on ebay for hungry hippos game.

Anyway, the point is, I did make it to the petrol station without having to push the bike. Phew!

We made it!

Our first brownie session without the old leaders! The only injury was a loose tooth falling out. We had a new starter without any hitches. They all had lots of ideas for what they wanted to do this coming year, from simple baking and badges, right though to round the world trips and bunjee jumping. A tad adventurous I feel, but have to give them points for imagination!

I bought a couple of nice pasties today in town. Mediterranean veg and cheese (or something) for me and steak and stilton for him. Then I left them in the fridge in the office. Instead, we went out to town for dinner. Turns out 'spoons do a pretty good butternut squash risotto at the moment. Yum.

I really must get ready for bed, as I have a bit of a long day ahead tomorrow.

Starting to feel the need

I guess it is time to be honest with myself. I am starting to look forward to having kids. Not in the 'yeah, it will be kinda cool one day' way, but in the 'when is the soonest I can get pregnant' way. That's kind of scary. There is a no-way-no-how restriction on me at the moment as I just had an MMR jab, and if I get pregnant in the next 6 months there is a risk of birth deformities. As I say, no-way-no-how. Then the other things preying on my mind are 'stuff.' I cannot deny being ambitious, and there are some things I really want to achieve before we have kids. Would you like a list?

Things I want to do before I have kids:
- Buy a house in a nice area near good schools
- Have a job I can work from home
- Travel around Europe on motorbikes with Mr SC
- See Thailand, and a monsoon
- Learn to take nice photos

- Have a wardrobe of clothes I like

- Be in the habit of looking presentable when I leave the house

- Have a house that is decorated the way I like
- Refresh my German skills, so I can make some attempt to help my kids not be ignorant English-speakers
- Have had a few years of just me and Mr SC as a married couple

That is something of a list isn't it. Some things I am happy to strike through on the basis that it is just me being silly and conforming to society's supermum fetish, like the stuff about my wardrobe, looking presentable, home decor and German items.  Others are non-negotiable, like the house-buying bit. I really hate renting. I hate not being able to paint walls, redo the skanky bathroom tiles, rip out the kitchen, install a back boiler, fix the windows and doors and so on. I know all this can be done with kids there, because I lived through it in my own childhood.

I don't mind altering the travel bits, so that we can do them with kids. Motorbikes wouldn't be practical, but an old VW bus might be. Thailand and the like could be done with kids past toddler stage. Maybe I could narrow down the 'just us' years a bit, since we have already lived together for two years, and have at least one more on our own once we are married. (see the bit about the MMR)

The other major motivator for having kids sooner rather than later is Mr SC himself. He is 10 years older than me, and we both want for him to not be an 'old' dad. So really, we need to get ourselves in gear and work towards buying a house. Which sounds great, but there is a slight hitch there, what with Mr SC going back to college and all. A couple more years of living on my wage alone, not really being able to save, and no chance of me being able to give up my day job in order to try working from home.

I don't mean to whinge, but I am starting to get impatient, and need to remind myself why I must wait. Anyway, time to stop moaning and get on with dealing with all the stuff I need to get sorted before we get married!

I just have to add this

This has to be about the most amazing thing I have seen in ages!

Just had to share. Now I wonder if I can train next door's sheepdogs sufficiently to do that?

New improved formula: with added resolve

Once again, time has run away with me. Having spent two weekends ago with my parents visiting us here, and then visiting them in Surrey last weekend, I am home alone this weekend as Mr SC has decided to go camping with friends this weekend. 

I won't say I am not disappointed to be abandoned to my own devices while he is off gallivanting, but it does give me time to finish our wedding invites, chill out listening to music he doesn't like and possibly even eat all the ice cream without his interference....

Since two weeks ago, not a great deal has happened in my world. Work carries on as normal, there is only six weeks left to the wedding, I have a work lunch 'do' on Tuesday coming. Him indoors meanwhile, has decided that he wants to go back to college. I'm all in favour, as long as he throws his all into it. And it would be kinda good if he could get a part-time job to fit around it.

What else? Oh yeah, brownies start back for the Autumn on Monday. Somewhat nervous about that, but I'm sure M and I will cope with 18 girls for just over an hour. Yeah. Definitely.

So today, I was on the phone to my mum, sitting on the sofa and contemplating coffee and toast, when my neighbour S knocked. I knew I had to move our old car from their field into the yard, but was hoping I would be able to do it this afternoon. Like once I had got dressed and all that. Anyway, went up to the yard to find out where it needed to go, but S was still in the house, and J didn't know. So I just did the sensible thing and emptied the stuff that was useful into a wheelbarrow and hauled it home.

Back in the house, I sat down with my coffee, and Mr SC rang from camp, having just woken up. Yeah. Just woken up, when I had already started clearing up shit that I was nagging him to do all this week. He had the nerve to ask me to try to drain out the petrol tank, since it had about half a tank of petrol in it still. I don't have a pipe to siphon it with, so he tells me that I can get under the car, disconnect the fuel pipe and drain it into some petrol tanks that are in the garage. Yeah. Like that is going to happen. Let's just say that I am looking forward to some serious pampering on Sunday night when he gets home. 

Progress report

So following last weekend's events, I finally feel up to a progress report. Sunday night we had dinner with my in-laws and Mr SC's in-laws for the first time. Yes, in three years of relationship, we finally got our parents together to meet almost two months before our wedding. However, Saturday morning's events were taboo, as Mr SC does not want his family to worry. Great.

On Tuesday, a last minute appointment at the Docs had him sent home with promises of a referral to a headache clinic, a second appointment for Friday, some hefty painkillers and advice to avoid codeine based painkillers. Friday rolled around, with exertion based headaches still happening, but the hefty painkillers being pretty rapid to help. This time he has been sent home with beta-blockers and an appointment for next Friday again. I won't say I am not concerned still, but at least both Mr SC and the medical profession are taking it seriously.

At work, it seems that we are about to enter another slow period. I have not got much sitting on my desk, and even less in the way of prospective work. I really want to look into building up some sort of business from home, but can never decide what would suit me. I guess the joy of working for myself would be that I wouldn't have to pick just one route to go down. As soon as I get my wedding invites finished, I am going to throw myself into some etsy projects. Remind me of that please!

In the last week, Mr SC has really knuckled down and sorted out the house. The bathroom and kitchen are clean, the spare room is ready for my parents to come and stay, the lounge is tidy, and the washing pile isn't out of control. Wow!

I don't like this room.

This morning I write to you from a room in my favourite hotel. Mr SC and I are having a long weekend break. We came down Thursday afternoon after I took a half day at work, settled into our room and then went out for dinner at an Indian restaurant. He had chicken rogan josh to my veggie spinach curry that I cannot remember the name of, and we shared a rice. Back at the hotel we had a spa bath, and then watched a movie in our room. (Or Mr SC watched it while I fell asleep half way through.) Our room is lovely, with great views over the valley, a comfy bed, lots of space to walk about in and a supply of chocolate should it ever be needed.

On Friday we tackled the huge cooked breakfast you get here. I was defeated for the first time and couldn't eat more than two thirds of it. I love how they don't rely on veggie bacon and baked beans in their breakfasts here. You get a full plate with a lot of different flavours and not a lot of soya. The coffee is great too, and we felt properly set up for a day of walking along the river. After our ramble, we came back for a movie, scrabble and a couple of bottles of local cider. Lovely.

Yesterday morning, Mr SC didn't feel up to eating breakfast, but came and sat with me. Stomach problems, but he managed some coffee and juice. Afterwards, we went back upstairs to see if I could make him feel better. I'm sure you know where this is going. To cut to the chase, just as we reach the grand finale, Mr SC starts screaming in pain. He can barely articulate through the agony that he feels pressure in head like it is going to explode. It doesn't ease, and he is rolling on the bed in agony. I am scared witless, and want to take him to hospital. The pressure is making him cry in pain, and I decide to call an ambulance.

Mr SC is having trouble breathing, and feels his fingers get pins and needles, as well as his face while I stay on the phone to the emergency services. Another guest at the hotel stays with us, while her friend goes to the front door to wait for the ambulance. Mr SC keeps turning and rolling, holding his head and hyperventilating; we hear the siren of the ambulance in the distance, knowing it must come up the hill and along the single track lane before it reaches us. I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I just need Mr SC to hang on until someone who knows how to help gets here.

Minutes drag until finally the crew arrive, and panic can ebb into concern. Hyperventilation is calmed, and my worst fears change. It isn't a heart attack. It might be a small brain hemorrhage. We must go to hospital and he may need a CAT scan. As I follow the ambulance to A&E, I must reassure myself constantly that if it took a turn that they would have the sirens on and leave me to find my way in the car behind.

Parked up, I run across the car park to find that he has slept most of the journey. Light hurts, he is vacant, shocked and in pain, but he is in good hands. Finally, in a cubicle in A&E after paracetemol and with blood pressure returning to normal, he starts to come around. Stupid arsehole feels better and wants to leave before the doctor even checks him out. Mention of CAT scans, hemorrhaging and what I will do if he tries changes his mind.

The Doctor finally comes in, and after some tests agrees that he should be OK, but I must keep an eye over the next few days. Any sudden headache, headache not eased by paracetemol, vacancy or loss of consciousness must take him back to the hospital. I live in fear of being stranded for the next few days, but thanking my lucky stars that he is still here to scare the shit out of me.

Resolution

Finally, after a couple of weeks of going round in circles about the issue, we have decided what names we will each use when we get married. I guess first I have to reveal that the whole issue of marriage is something that has really made me think about feminism, tradition and what the whole institution means to me. I had never really thought about marriage, except as a way of committing to a partner for life until about six months ago. I had never considered myself feminist, until a couple of months ago.

As it turns out, I feel quite strongly that we really do need to update the marriage act. Why should they ask for my father's trade, but not my mother's? What if she is the breadwinner, as I am in my own household? What does it matter anyway, since I moved out and have been living as an independent adult for eighteen months?

Aside from a few jokes, Mr SC would never dare ask that I vow to obey him. On the odd occasion that it does get raised, I usually agree, hand him my shoes and go stand by the sink ready to wash up. Then we crease up and get on with our lives in the 21st century. Don't even get me started on veils, flowers or white dresses.....

So I was altogether against taking Mr SC's last name, as I feel that the historical roots to this (of women as possessions and devoid of rights or belongings) deserve no respect whatsoever. I have been determined for some time, that I would not change my name if Mr SC would not change his. We have cycled through meshing our names into one, taking a name from our family tree, taking a name that means something to us, each keeping our own names or even hyphenating, and just were not able to agree. 

Today we have finally agreed that we will hyphenate without the hyphen. I have never liked double-barrelled last names, but I have to admit that I do want to share a name with Mr SC, and this is the only option that we can both live with, other than keeping our existing names.

Now I just have to decide between Ms and Mrs.....

The Time-Traveler's Wife

Just finished reading this book, and it made me cry. Several times.

I can't help but think how awful it would be to lose the one you love. I don't know how I would possibly cope without Mr SC, now that I've tried life with him. He is out taking a spin on his motorbike at the moment, and even knowing he will be home soon I miss him. In fact, that is his bike I can hear now.

Out to dinner tonight with S and J, to say thank you for their help with the car yesterday.  Got to go get washed and ready.

The car blew up....

but thanks to a bit of bodging by Mr SC and our lovely neighbours S and J, it is at least back home. It remains to be decided whether we will replace the engine or just scrap it. The main thing is that I got himself back home safely after the almighty implosion/oil fountain on the motorway.

Last night we had a fairly big house spider on the fireplace. I wish they didn't like living in houses so much, as I would happily evict them all if it was possible. They certainly don't pay rent, and some of them are definitely big enough to! I hate spider season.

In other news, I must must must finish our wedding invites this weekend, then I can print the innards and send them out. My friends are asking for details.

Finally, I need to find out why food supposedly reaches your stomach in seven seconds, but the feedback response of fullness takes twenty minutes. Hhhhmmmm.

Camp

I spent this weekend at camp some of my friends. It is so lovely to just chill out and not worry about anything for 48 hours. At the site we had a stilling for a friend who passed on over the Christmas period. It was a lovely ceremony, followed by a good amount of toasts in his name. What better way to honour someone's life than to have a party in their name.

12 Weeks

How can it be that we only have 12 weeks 'til we get married? We got engaged sometime around March 2008. I'm not sure exactly when as I am not really a remember the date kind of girl. Mr SC would have given notice the next day and married me two weeks later if I would have agreed, but I told him that I wanted to be engaged for a long while first. We picked November 2009 pretty soon, although we did end up moving the date forward a bit.

We went out on the little motorbike for a ride today. Went to an English Heretics site near us and enjoyed just exploring and watching kids play in the grounds. The sun was gorgeous and it was so lovely to just relax in each other's company. Having two day weekends again feels amazing!

We drove into town, and then as we came back I got to thinking about the day I moved in with Mr SC. He had driven his cavalier back from my parents and I had driven Rudolph with tinsel around her bumper the whole way. I remember as we headed up the M1 there had been a highway patrol car ahead of us and I had refused to overtake it in case I got in trouble for the tinsel. Finally we came to the road from town to our village, and as Mr SC had been living in our house for a month on his own, he knew the road far better than I did. I followed him and looked forward to knowing the area as well as he did.

I'm not sure I could ever contemplate living anywhere else now.

Sleeping in your own bed.

There is something so nice about coming home. After spending an extended weekend with my in-laws, its lovely to be sitting on our own sofa and just relaxing. Not that I don't relax with my in-laws, but it is a different kind of relaxing. 

Today I was making our bed while Mr SC had a bath. He came upstairs after and moaned that the t-shirts we had ordered for his new business were too small. I looked at the label, and pointed out that it was the small one I had ordered for me, and maybe he should try the XL ones I had ordered for him. Interesting that....