Ribena from a cut crystal tumbler

Today marks our one week anniversary of being married. I have spent the whole day in my pajamas and dressing gown writing our thank you notes. I still have a few more to do, but I have broken the back of them now, and figured it was time to chill out for five minutes.

One of the gifts we have been given is a beautiful set of six lead crystal highball glasses. They really are stunning, but I have spent the last week thinking that they would end up being put into storage for twenty years until we have a dining table, in a dining room, with adult guests for dinner and no young children in the vicinity. Maybe even twenty five years.

Chris just came back from Tesco with bags full of value crisps, reduced cheese and BOGOF frozen peas, and I made a joke about us hoping to one day have a dining table to go with the glasses. We laughed and decided to grab a drink each. Chris opened the glass cupboard, and asked me which glass I wanted, and I made a decision. Having these glasses is great, but pretty pointless unless we use them, at least occasionally. So we washed a couple of the glasses, and we are now drinking beer and squash from stunning crystal tumblers.

Classy!

Continuation

I've been ill this week with a stonking cold that Chris has generously shared with me. While he has been tucked up inside recovering and fighting the virus, I've been at work, so I should imagine that I will be hit with the full force this weekend. Fingers crossed that I will be fighting fit by Monday though!

I want to continue (in a way) my last post, as I don't think I am finished on the subject of the wedding or of marriage. It is really important to me that I don't forget the little things. Like having breakfast with my parents and brother in the Asda cafe on the Saturday morning, and the texts that Chris and I sent each other as the morning went by. The mad dash from the Travelodge to the Swan Hotel at 2pm when my hair was 1/3rd in rollers, 1/3rd pinned curls and 1/3rd still to be curled, leaving me booking into my room in jeans, a massive baggy black T of Chris's, unlaced boots and rollers.

My dress was very low cut at the back, and I had to be very careful what underwear I wore. This photo was taken at the shop I bought the dress at, and if you look carefully, you can catch a glimpse of my fucshia big pants at the bottom of my back. On the day, I had taken all my clothes off to put this dress on, and in the rush to get out the door, I never put my correct pants on. I got married without any knickers on! Brazen hussy. (I didn't tell Chris until after we were married, on the outside steps of the registry office while we were having photos taken.)

My friend Laura texted me on Tuesday morning, to ask me if married life was different to living in sin. It is. It feels, if that were possible, more permanent. Chris and I were already happy and committed and convinced that we would be and wanted to be together forever, but it still feels different.

I asked Chris if he felt different, and he said he felt like 'us' was now higher in his thoughts than 'me and you', that our future was now more in his hands. We both still want the same things, but somehow the perspective is different.

I am even happier than before. I'm not yet used to my married name, I can't sign without a lot of thought, I still answer the phone wrong and haven't got around to taking my dress to be cleaned. Most of my documents I have not even started to change, I haven't fully unpacked my suitcase, I'm working on my thank you notes and still reeling from the notes being 20p each and the stamps being 30p each, but despite all this, I FEEL married. Or maybe I just feel like a newlywed, and feeling married is yet to come?

Newlyweds

We did it, and it went with hardly a hitch!

I loved:
-seeing Allan filming the whole thing as I arrived at the registry office.
-standing just outside the marriage room, seeing my friend Liz just inside the door looking at my dress and smiling at me.
-walking in to see Chris for the first time that day, and smiling like mad at each other.
-grinning the whole way through the ceremony, and shaking from the nerves the whole time I was at the registry office.
-when the registrar asked Chris if he took me as his wife, and he answered 'yes' instead of 'I do'
-when we made our vows to each other, and I've never meant anything so much in my life.
-making each other laugh as we grafitti'd the fake register
-walking through town to the car to go and take photos, and standing on top of a concrete bollard while Chris used a public loo.
-Chris picking me up off the bollard and carrying me towards the car.
-taking photos in the woods on the way to the castle for photos, then clambering on the walls for more shots.
-arriving at the restaurant where everyone was waiting for us and enjoying each other's company.
-laughing and joking with all of our best friends and closest family.
-the Frustration tournament that seemed to happen between Laura, Lauren, Beki and Mike.
-cuddles with Conor, who was his usual curious self and behaved impeccably.
-the couple of hours after we got back to our hotel where we revelled in being married, and just enjoyed relaxing, discussing the day, opening cards and gifts, lounging around and drinking wine.
-waking up the next morning in our posh suite and going for breakfast.
-my veggie breakfast including baked beans, and Chris scraping them off as I held the plate, without us even having to discuss it.
-calling each other husband and wife.
-Chris being a lurgie monster on Monday, and realising while he slept that, actually, marriage had changed everything, and I love him even more now that we made that massive commitment to each other.

One Day...

Yes, there is only today left of build-up. The wedding is tomorrow. I am freakily calm. Calm enough to be blogging, rather than running round the house packing stuff up. The 'almost silent part of the movie where the hero is stalking around the set with a very quiet creepy backing track and he isn't going to see anything really awful yet but they have to build the suspense' kind of freaky-calm.

Apart from the whole so stressed that I have been back and forth to the loo twice already and I haven't been up more than 90 minutes, but I don't think you needed to know that. If I eat tomorrow I will be surprised.

There are still a few things to get finalised, like getting cake, and making some signs to say thanks in our photos, and wrapping up Chris's present, and making sure we don't forget anything, but otherwise it's all pretty sorted.

I suppose really I should go and get packed up. Wish me luck in not tripping up down the aisle!

Today

Today I have curlers in my fringe to repair it from the motorcycle helmet monster while I type this and eat a bagel and drink smoothie. Multi-tasking FTW!

Today I will pick up my wedding dress from the second dressmaker and the third attempt to take it up correctly. I have faith that I will be singing her praises this evening.

Today I must check what time I am helping in the Guiding Shop tomorrow morning.

Today I still have only half the responses I need for our wedding invites.

Today Fast is sleeping in because he was up 'til half one playing computer games.

Today I feel really relaxed because he gave me a brilliant back massage before I slept last night.

Today is hopeful.

Phew!

It seems so easy to fall out of a habit. Then it is hard to get back into the habit. If only bad habits didn't work the other way around.

It's Wednesday, and we have about 10 days til W-Day. All of a sudden my best hopes of a stress-free organisation of our wedding seem pie-in-the-sky. I was busy thinking about Friday night/Saturday logistics while riding to work the other morning, and I suddenly realised that I was going past the junction with the A167. Did I just pass the petrol garage? OH MY GOD I just drove past the petrol station. Please God let me make it to the next garage, I really don't want to have to push this bike 5 miles to the next town.

Reminder to self: fill the car up with petrol on Friday morning to prevent this happening on Saturday.

This weekend doesn't seem to exist. The only Friday, Saturday and Sunday in my near future are the ones of the wedding weekend. Luckily, work is even slower than normal. I spent a good portion of day making a super-detailed packing list so I don't forget anything when we leave home on Friday.

Reminder to self: put board games on the packing list.

I did manage to notice the beautiful sunset as I drove home tonight, and dragged himself out up the hill for a walk and a chance to watch the sky change. Then we came home to the cajun wraps he had cooked, and we are now deciding on our music for the ceremony.

Would it be so awful if we kicked out 'here comes the bride' in favour of 'smack my bitch up'?  Does 'closer' by NIN count as religious? Would our friends perform their excellent version of 'fuck her gently' once the grandparents have retired for the night?

Reminder to self: look again on ebay for hungry hippos game.

Anyway, the point is, I did make it to the petrol station without having to push the bike. Phew!

We made it!

Our first brownie session without the old leaders! The only injury was a loose tooth falling out. We had a new starter without any hitches. They all had lots of ideas for what they wanted to do this coming year, from simple baking and badges, right though to round the world trips and bunjee jumping. A tad adventurous I feel, but have to give them points for imagination!

I bought a couple of nice pasties today in town. Mediterranean veg and cheese (or something) for me and steak and stilton for him. Then I left them in the fridge in the office. Instead, we went out to town for dinner. Turns out 'spoons do a pretty good butternut squash risotto at the moment. Yum.

I really must get ready for bed, as I have a bit of a long day ahead tomorrow.

Starting to feel the need

I guess it is time to be honest with myself. I am starting to look forward to having kids. Not in the 'yeah, it will be kinda cool one day' way, but in the 'when is the soonest I can get pregnant' way. That's kind of scary. There is a no-way-no-how restriction on me at the moment as I just had an MMR jab, and if I get pregnant in the next 6 months there is a risk of birth deformities. As I say, no-way-no-how. Then the other things preying on my mind are 'stuff.' I cannot deny being ambitious, and there are some things I really want to achieve before we have kids. Would you like a list?

Things I want to do before I have kids:
- Buy a house in a nice area near good schools
- Have a job I can work from home
- Travel around Europe on motorbikes with Mr SC
- See Thailand, and a monsoon
- Learn to take nice photos

- Have a wardrobe of clothes I like

- Be in the habit of looking presentable when I leave the house

- Have a house that is decorated the way I like
- Refresh my German skills, so I can make some attempt to help my kids not be ignorant English-speakers
- Have had a few years of just me and Mr SC as a married couple

That is something of a list isn't it. Some things I am happy to strike through on the basis that it is just me being silly and conforming to society's supermum fetish, like the stuff about my wardrobe, looking presentable, home decor and German items.  Others are non-negotiable, like the house-buying bit. I really hate renting. I hate not being able to paint walls, redo the skanky bathroom tiles, rip out the kitchen, install a back boiler, fix the windows and doors and so on. I know all this can be done with kids there, because I lived through it in my own childhood.

I don't mind altering the travel bits, so that we can do them with kids. Motorbikes wouldn't be practical, but an old VW bus might be. Thailand and the like could be done with kids past toddler stage. Maybe I could narrow down the 'just us' years a bit, since we have already lived together for two years, and have at least one more on our own once we are married. (see the bit about the MMR)

The other major motivator for having kids sooner rather than later is Mr SC himself. He is 10 years older than me, and we both want for him to not be an 'old' dad. So really, we need to get ourselves in gear and work towards buying a house. Which sounds great, but there is a slight hitch there, what with Mr SC going back to college and all. A couple more years of living on my wage alone, not really being able to save, and no chance of me being able to give up my day job in order to try working from home.

I don't mean to whinge, but I am starting to get impatient, and need to remind myself why I must wait. Anyway, time to stop moaning and get on with dealing with all the stuff I need to get sorted before we get married!

I just have to add this

This has to be about the most amazing thing I have seen in ages!

Just had to share. Now I wonder if I can train next door's sheepdogs sufficiently to do that?

New improved formula: with added resolve

Once again, time has run away with me. Having spent two weekends ago with my parents visiting us here, and then visiting them in Surrey last weekend, I am home alone this weekend as Mr SC has decided to go camping with friends this weekend. 

I won't say I am not disappointed to be abandoned to my own devices while he is off gallivanting, but it does give me time to finish our wedding invites, chill out listening to music he doesn't like and possibly even eat all the ice cream without his interference....

Since two weeks ago, not a great deal has happened in my world. Work carries on as normal, there is only six weeks left to the wedding, I have a work lunch 'do' on Tuesday coming. Him indoors meanwhile, has decided that he wants to go back to college. I'm all in favour, as long as he throws his all into it. And it would be kinda good if he could get a part-time job to fit around it.

What else? Oh yeah, brownies start back for the Autumn on Monday. Somewhat nervous about that, but I'm sure M and I will cope with 18 girls for just over an hour. Yeah. Definitely.

So today, I was on the phone to my mum, sitting on the sofa and contemplating coffee and toast, when my neighbour S knocked. I knew I had to move our old car from their field into the yard, but was hoping I would be able to do it this afternoon. Like once I had got dressed and all that. Anyway, went up to the yard to find out where it needed to go, but S was still in the house, and J didn't know. So I just did the sensible thing and emptied the stuff that was useful into a wheelbarrow and hauled it home.

Back in the house, I sat down with my coffee, and Mr SC rang from camp, having just woken up. Yeah. Just woken up, when I had already started clearing up shit that I was nagging him to do all this week. He had the nerve to ask me to try to drain out the petrol tank, since it had about half a tank of petrol in it still. I don't have a pipe to siphon it with, so he tells me that I can get under the car, disconnect the fuel pipe and drain it into some petrol tanks that are in the garage. Yeah. Like that is going to happen. Let's just say that I am looking forward to some serious pampering on Sunday night when he gets home. 

Progress report

So following last weekend's events, I finally feel up to a progress report. Sunday night we had dinner with my in-laws and Mr SC's in-laws for the first time. Yes, in three years of relationship, we finally got our parents together to meet almost two months before our wedding. However, Saturday morning's events were taboo, as Mr SC does not want his family to worry. Great.

On Tuesday, a last minute appointment at the Docs had him sent home with promises of a referral to a headache clinic, a second appointment for Friday, some hefty painkillers and advice to avoid codeine based painkillers. Friday rolled around, with exertion based headaches still happening, but the hefty painkillers being pretty rapid to help. This time he has been sent home with beta-blockers and an appointment for next Friday again. I won't say I am not concerned still, but at least both Mr SC and the medical profession are taking it seriously.

At work, it seems that we are about to enter another slow period. I have not got much sitting on my desk, and even less in the way of prospective work. I really want to look into building up some sort of business from home, but can never decide what would suit me. I guess the joy of working for myself would be that I wouldn't have to pick just one route to go down. As soon as I get my wedding invites finished, I am going to throw myself into some etsy projects. Remind me of that please!

In the last week, Mr SC has really knuckled down and sorted out the house. The bathroom and kitchen are clean, the spare room is ready for my parents to come and stay, the lounge is tidy, and the washing pile isn't out of control. Wow!

I don't like this room.

This morning I write to you from a room in my favourite hotel. Mr SC and I are having a long weekend break. We came down Thursday afternoon after I took a half day at work, settled into our room and then went out for dinner at an Indian restaurant. He had chicken rogan josh to my veggie spinach curry that I cannot remember the name of, and we shared a rice. Back at the hotel we had a spa bath, and then watched a movie in our room. (Or Mr SC watched it while I fell asleep half way through.) Our room is lovely, with great views over the valley, a comfy bed, lots of space to walk about in and a supply of chocolate should it ever be needed.

On Friday we tackled the huge cooked breakfast you get here. I was defeated for the first time and couldn't eat more than two thirds of it. I love how they don't rely on veggie bacon and baked beans in their breakfasts here. You get a full plate with a lot of different flavours and not a lot of soya. The coffee is great too, and we felt properly set up for a day of walking along the river. After our ramble, we came back for a movie, scrabble and a couple of bottles of local cider. Lovely.

Yesterday morning, Mr SC didn't feel up to eating breakfast, but came and sat with me. Stomach problems, but he managed some coffee and juice. Afterwards, we went back upstairs to see if I could make him feel better. I'm sure you know where this is going. To cut to the chase, just as we reach the grand finale, Mr SC starts screaming in pain. He can barely articulate through the agony that he feels pressure in head like it is going to explode. It doesn't ease, and he is rolling on the bed in agony. I am scared witless, and want to take him to hospital. The pressure is making him cry in pain, and I decide to call an ambulance.

Mr SC is having trouble breathing, and feels his fingers get pins and needles, as well as his face while I stay on the phone to the emergency services. Another guest at the hotel stays with us, while her friend goes to the front door to wait for the ambulance. Mr SC keeps turning and rolling, holding his head and hyperventilating; we hear the siren of the ambulance in the distance, knowing it must come up the hill and along the single track lane before it reaches us. I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I just need Mr SC to hang on until someone who knows how to help gets here.

Minutes drag until finally the crew arrive, and panic can ebb into concern. Hyperventilation is calmed, and my worst fears change. It isn't a heart attack. It might be a small brain hemorrhage. We must go to hospital and he may need a CAT scan. As I follow the ambulance to A&E, I must reassure myself constantly that if it took a turn that they would have the sirens on and leave me to find my way in the car behind.

Parked up, I run across the car park to find that he has slept most of the journey. Light hurts, he is vacant, shocked and in pain, but he is in good hands. Finally, in a cubicle in A&E after paracetemol and with blood pressure returning to normal, he starts to come around. Stupid arsehole feels better and wants to leave before the doctor even checks him out. Mention of CAT scans, hemorrhaging and what I will do if he tries changes his mind.

The Doctor finally comes in, and after some tests agrees that he should be OK, but I must keep an eye over the next few days. Any sudden headache, headache not eased by paracetemol, vacancy or loss of consciousness must take him back to the hospital. I live in fear of being stranded for the next few days, but thanking my lucky stars that he is still here to scare the shit out of me.

Resolution

Finally, after a couple of weeks of going round in circles about the issue, we have decided what names we will each use when we get married. I guess first I have to reveal that the whole issue of marriage is something that has really made me think about feminism, tradition and what the whole institution means to me. I had never really thought about marriage, except as a way of committing to a partner for life until about six months ago. I had never considered myself feminist, until a couple of months ago.

As it turns out, I feel quite strongly that we really do need to update the marriage act. Why should they ask for my father's trade, but not my mother's? What if she is the breadwinner, as I am in my own household? What does it matter anyway, since I moved out and have been living as an independent adult for eighteen months?

Aside from a few jokes, Mr SC would never dare ask that I vow to obey him. On the odd occasion that it does get raised, I usually agree, hand him my shoes and go stand by the sink ready to wash up. Then we crease up and get on with our lives in the 21st century. Don't even get me started on veils, flowers or white dresses.....

So I was altogether against taking Mr SC's last name, as I feel that the historical roots to this (of women as possessions and devoid of rights or belongings) deserve no respect whatsoever. I have been determined for some time, that I would not change my name if Mr SC would not change his. We have cycled through meshing our names into one, taking a name from our family tree, taking a name that means something to us, each keeping our own names or even hyphenating, and just were not able to agree. 

Today we have finally agreed that we will hyphenate without the hyphen. I have never liked double-barrelled last names, but I have to admit that I do want to share a name with Mr SC, and this is the only option that we can both live with, other than keeping our existing names.

Now I just have to decide between Ms and Mrs.....

The Time-Traveler's Wife

Just finished reading this book, and it made me cry. Several times.

I can't help but think how awful it would be to lose the one you love. I don't know how I would possibly cope without Mr SC, now that I've tried life with him. He is out taking a spin on his motorbike at the moment, and even knowing he will be home soon I miss him. In fact, that is his bike I can hear now.

Out to dinner tonight with S and J, to say thank you for their help with the car yesterday.  Got to go get washed and ready.

The car blew up....

but thanks to a bit of bodging by Mr SC and our lovely neighbours S and J, it is at least back home. It remains to be decided whether we will replace the engine or just scrap it. The main thing is that I got himself back home safely after the almighty implosion/oil fountain on the motorway.

Last night we had a fairly big house spider on the fireplace. I wish they didn't like living in houses so much, as I would happily evict them all if it was possible. They certainly don't pay rent, and some of them are definitely big enough to! I hate spider season.

In other news, I must must must finish our wedding invites this weekend, then I can print the innards and send them out. My friends are asking for details.

Finally, I need to find out why food supposedly reaches your stomach in seven seconds, but the feedback response of fullness takes twenty minutes. Hhhhmmmm.

Camp

I spent this weekend at camp some of my friends. It is so lovely to just chill out and not worry about anything for 48 hours. At the site we had a stilling for a friend who passed on over the Christmas period. It was a lovely ceremony, followed by a good amount of toasts in his name. What better way to honour someone's life than to have a party in their name.

12 Weeks

How can it be that we only have 12 weeks 'til we get married? We got engaged sometime around March 2008. I'm not sure exactly when as I am not really a remember the date kind of girl. Mr SC would have given notice the next day and married me two weeks later if I would have agreed, but I told him that I wanted to be engaged for a long while first. We picked November 2009 pretty soon, although we did end up moving the date forward a bit.

We went out on the little motorbike for a ride today. Went to an English Heretics site near us and enjoyed just exploring and watching kids play in the grounds. The sun was gorgeous and it was so lovely to just relax in each other's company. Having two day weekends again feels amazing!

We drove into town, and then as we came back I got to thinking about the day I moved in with Mr SC. He had driven his cavalier back from my parents and I had driven Rudolph with tinsel around her bumper the whole way. I remember as we headed up the M1 there had been a highway patrol car ahead of us and I had refused to overtake it in case I got in trouble for the tinsel. Finally we came to the road from town to our village, and as Mr SC had been living in our house for a month on his own, he knew the road far better than I did. I followed him and looked forward to knowing the area as well as he did.

I'm not sure I could ever contemplate living anywhere else now.

Sleeping in your own bed.

There is something so nice about coming home. After spending an extended weekend with my in-laws, its lovely to be sitting on our own sofa and just relaxing. Not that I don't relax with my in-laws, but it is a different kind of relaxing. 

Today I was making our bed while Mr SC had a bath. He came upstairs after and moaned that the t-shirts we had ordered for his new business were too small. I looked at the label, and pointed out that it was the small one I had ordered for me, and maybe he should try the XL ones I had ordered for him. Interesting that....

I found it!

After so many times back and forth with the hotel for our wedding reception, we gave in and looked for somewhere else. Today we spent the day with my in-laws, and went into town to look at a couple of other restaurants. The first pub, I had found online; it looked great and had been recently been refurb'ed. THE INTERNET LIES! The pub has been changed again, and is now a vodka bar. So not the feel I am going for.

We went to see a bar that I thought had a function room, but it turned out there was no function room. Then the third and final place only opens on Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings, and is in a gated cul-de-sac. What a let down; we headed back to the in-laws.

Then, while Mr SC was cooking Sunday lunch, I had a call from the owner of the last restaurant. If I could get there in the next half hour we could see inside and talk. I grabbed my sister-in-law and we headed over to see the place. It was perfect! There is great disabled access, the decor is lovely with a nice cosy country french feel, the owner/chef is happy for us to order food on the day from the normal menu and he is really understanding about vegetarians, allergies and food fussiness. Wow!

Trepidation

Mr SC is a mechanic. Not just by trade, but also by habit. He loves playing with engines and fixing vehicles. I love watching him head out to the garage to play with whichever of our vehicles needs tweaking. Sometimes it is simple, and he just needs the odd drink to keep him from getting dehydrated in his concentration. Other times, bolts shear, bodge jobs from previous owners are difficult to fathom, and he has to sit back and work out how to achieve what is needed. Sometimes the air is blue and his hands are battered by the time it is done.

Covered in swarf, with various mucky rags and clothes that need a really hot wash, he will wander back up the hill to the house and give me a hug with a look of satisfaction on his face before he jumps in a muscle-salts bath. He will tell me in detail everything he did, and patiently answer my stupid questions. Then we can both relax, knowing we have achieved something. (You didn't think I just sat back bored while he was busy, did you?) It is great to see him enjoy having earned his relaxing time. 

Today is Mr SC's last day at his current job. As of 4.30 today, he will be a self employed mechanic. We have not yet got a lot of work lined up, so there is a fair amount of handing out of business cards to be done over the next few days and weeks. Might put an ad in the local paper. Most of all will have my fingers crossed that it all works out.

Persisting Down

Walking back from the office to the car this afternoon in the pouring rain, as my legs got soaked under my mac, I had three things running through my head:

- Eurgh, yuk yuk yuk,

- 'English Summer Rain' by Placebo and

- If it rains this much in three months, I am going to need the biggest plastic poncho in the history of plastic ponchos to keep my wedding dress dry.

Three months today. OMG!

Watch where you are going!

Today I was sat at the traffic lights on my way home. Two girls were crossing, followed by a guy on a bike. He must have decided to be a bad-ass and cycle around the island to get where he was going quicker. Which would have been fine, but he spent more time looking at the girls than where he was going, and damn near faceplanted when his front wheel hit the island kerb. What a way to increase your street cred. I nearly missed my green light I was laughing so hard.

Tomorrow I need to:

-get chocolate, fountains, dippy bits, plates, skewers, signs and tablecloths organised for the chocolate fountain I am running on Sunday at our village fair.

-get signs and airflow balls organised for the golf game that Mr SC is running on Sunday.

-try to design our wedding invites.

-get some laundry done.

-plant the last of my tomatoes.

-bake some cookies. Mmmm.

Educational

My sister-in-law (as will be) called me this evening. She has just had her introductory day for her training to become a midwife. As well as a lot of biology homework before term starts, she has been told that they will send her a knitting pattern and she should knit up a pair of breasts.

Yes, thats right.

Apparently, they use knitted breasts in order to help new mums learn how to breast-feed. Unfortunately, L cannot knit, so thought I would be the best person for the job. That will go down on the top of the list of weirdest things to knit ever!

Shattered

I have just got back from a 160 mile round trip to drop off a motorcycle we have sold. Last night I went to the pub after brownies as we have now broken up for the summer. I spent the weekend on Pack Holiday with 20 brownies not from my pack, at a beautiful house on the North Yorkshire Moors.

To say that I am tired is an understatement.

I picked up my wedding ring from the jewellers yesterday, and it is very lovely. Fits perfectly, far too snug to have to worry about it accidentally coming off my finger. I have also been in touch with the hotel/restaurant we are planning on having our reception in, and the registry office. I wish booking things was more straightforward. 

Would I be asking too much of my reception venue that they allow us a choice of meals for 26 guests, provided we pre-order? I wouldn't think it impossible, but it seems to be an issue. I really don't want to have to dictate what 26 people eat, it just seems wrong.

Anyway, I must get bathed quickly and get to bed. Night x

That which we call a rose...

I nearly missed my little brother's birthday. Today begins that strange time of year where there is only one year between us, until my Birthday when all of a sudden I am two years older than him again. 

I was talking to my Mum the other morning about making decisions on changing my name or not. Obviously, tradition dictates that I should be taking Mr SC's surname once we are married, but I have to admit that I am not sure. While I like the idea of us sharing a surname, I disagree with the convention that it should be his name. Why not my name, or pick a new name we both like?Perhaps I would feel less disinclined if I were to take his name for convenience, rather than because he will not even discuss changing his name. Why should I have to go to the trouble and effort when he won't even consider compromising. (Stop being so contentious SC.)

Back to the point. I was telling my mum, that I do not know who Mrs SC X is. She doesn't exist yet, and her future existence relies on Miss SC Y not existing anymore. How could I not be SC Y? I've been SC Y for a quarter of a century. I guess that Mr SC's refusal to contemplate becoming Mr SC Y or even Mr SC Z, just sticks in my throat. It makes me feel like he doesn't care how changing my name might be making me feel. OK I give up on trying to not be upset by this. Let's just agree that at this point in time, I am heading for being a Ms SC, unless Mr SC's attitude changes!

What a mess of a post. I may come back to this.

Easy like Sunday morning

Before I head off to bed, I had best blog. Otherwise it will all go to hell and then who will mop up the remaining goo?

After an extended lie-in this morning, (during which I cautioned Mr SC against peeing out the window) we toddled over to the tapas bar for brunch. Nothing like starting the day with spicy food and strong coffee. Delicious. We started on the guest list for our wedding camp at the same time, and got quite far. As we were sitting, Mr SC started playing silly buggers, and drew a biro tattoo on my arm.

When we got home, we chilled for a bit then Mr SC went to the pub to watch some football. When he got back we filled in some job application forms for him, then he listed some stuff on ebay. My motorbike is on there for sale, and we might well sell my old car as well to add to the new motorbike fund. While we sat on the sofa and messed about I drew a tattoo on Mr SC's arm as revenge. He now has a house with a stream coming from an upper window drawn on his arm.

We each put our facebook status to "wants everyone to put the 17th July 2010 in their diaries, and give me your address if you want an invite. We're getting hitched!" today just to make sure the date is set.  What a random day.

The kids are alright

I never expected to be getting married. I have very strong memories of the numerous occasions as a kid that I saw kissing on TV and would cry out that it was "Disgusting! I'm never doing that! Boys are ikky!" Of course, my parents would smile at me and tell me that they would remind me of that in a few years time. At which I would protest all the more. 

Between the ages of 11 and 16, I attended an all-girls school. For this and any number of other reasons, I was a bit of a late-starter when it came to boys. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 15, and it was quite the traumatic experience. It occurred in the early hours of the new millennium, with a somewhat drunk passerby and bore a stunning resemblance to my washing machine's wet cycle. Perhaps even the spin cycle would have been an improvement.

Undaunted, I told myself that it couldn't always be that awful. So began a string of boyfriends, from the unwashed to the unemployed through to the undesirable and unsuitable. Of course it wasn't all bad, but it was always transient. I never expected to still be with these boys six months later, let alone forever. I didn't feel that these relationships were ever going anywhere, although the feeling was almost never mutual. So I took a break from it all.

I spent a lot of time growing up, and did a bit of thinking about where my life was headed. I figured out that I enjoyed being single. That I never wanted to rely on someone else for me to get where I wanted to be. That if I had a kid, it would be as a single mum, and that it would still be just as rewarding if I planned it well. I became very comfortable with the idea of being single forever.

Two years passed, I had the beginnings of a career, had travelled solo and was in the process of buying a flat, when a friend cornered me in the middle of a game of last-man-standing at a camp. We were both under the influence of alcohol, weed, lots of sunshine and too many hours awake when he felt the time had come to ask me out. I turned him down as nicely as I could, which was quite an achievement at 4am.

A few months later, when I had had a chance to think, we were at another event together, with similar circumstances minus the sunshine! I had taken some inspiration from Dr Pepper, and figured that a fling wouldn't do me any harm. If it didn't work out, well he would just be another casualty in my world-destroying wake. Ha! 

So here I am, nearly three years on and less than four months from marrying the one person I can imagine growing old with. I can easily see us as grandparents, giving the grandkids home-made blue smarties (remind me to stockpile whatever that blue colouring is that was removed from smarties...) and then handing them back. I can see us really building a home together, instead of this somewhat student-like mess we currently live in. We already support each other through the hard times, and encourage each other to achieve what we dream of. Even the difficult bits make me really proud of us and the way we manage.

All this is to say that, sometimes ideals change. I never saw this as my future, but now I can't see it any other way. The flux capacitor is broken, and there is no going back to change the past. The hard times will still happen, but the good times will be that much better for someone to share them with. With risk comes reward. Wish us luck.

English Summer

Of course, when there are light evenings, you have to make the most of it. Mr SC and I went for another bike ride tonight, down to the Black Swan, by the Abbey and then back past the pub with the emo barman. Of course we stopped for refreshment at the pub. Sitting on one of the benches outside, it did of course rain. Could anything else be expected of the English summer?

While Mr SC is away...

I will go and get on with some housework in a minute. Then I won't have to do so much on Saturday and can spend more time on sorting out our wedding invites.

But first, a quick note to remind me that work actually isn't too bad at the moment. I am busy all day, and it is great. It makes me want a complete change of job a bit less. That isn't to say that I wouldn't still give up my career in order to try my hand at teaching, or property development, or being a driving instructor, or a home-made frozen-meals business, or a craft supplies shop or a hundred other things I would like to try if only I didn't have to pay the bills. But at the moment, just today, I feel like I don't hate getting up and going to work more than I hate injections and canned baked beans at the same time with added custard.

I think I can, I think I can.

Just in from cycling to the pub for dinner. Today has been gorgeous outside, and working in the office felt like a waste. Born from a need to make the most of the summer that we can, I invited Mr SC out for a cycle ride dinner picnic. He decided that a cycle ride pub dinner would be better, and who am I to argue? Apart from the temperature drop on the way home combined with a little bit of drizzle, we couldn't have asked for a better evening. Might have to get some lights though if we are going to do that more often!

Ouch

I shouldn't wear silly shoes. My crocs have left me with blisters today after traipsing around half of Manchester on a work trip. 

I am still quite tired after the sleepover at the weekend. Catching up on sleep always seems near impossible. I still look half asleep the whole time, and nearly did fall asleep on the train today.

Completed a few more rows of a blanket patch today. Need to step up my efforts, as I already have badges to sew on it once it is my camp blanket!

Last night, She said....

I am a rubbish blogger.

Thursday - Rock pub. Good night, saw Abandon Earth and Property of Dave. Enjoyed them both, although the other band were quite pants.

Friday - Stayed home to have new kitchen tap fitted and inspection from letting agent. Had barbeque here with K and D for dinner.

Saturday - Did not stop. Dropped 125 in for MOT, which it failed. Helped S with sheep. Found out my welly has a hole when I stepped in a water filled tractor rut. Bathed. Went to Brownie Giant Sleepover at indoor play barn. Played and crafted lots. Kept up til 2am. 

Sunday - Up at 6.30 (got to make brownies super-tired) to play some more. Wash large glob of toothpaste out of small brownie's hair. Head home. Bath. Travel to Mr SC's Aunt and Uncle's house for Father's Day barbeque. Sleep in car on the way there and back. Early night.

Monday - Work. Brownies. Dinner. Blog (badly.) Early night?

Is it Friday yet?

Today I had a review at work, and I didn't get fired. That in itself is an achievement. I booked Friday off so that we can have a new kitchen tap fitted and have our rubbish letting agent do their inspection. I booked Mr SC's 125 in for an MOT on Saturday. At lunch I bought him a book about how to start his own business. He would love to (and be really great at) run his own motor garage, and I am behind him 100%. So we need to work out how to make it happen, as well as exactly what sort of garage he wants. Hopefully this book will help him sort his thoughts out.

Tonight I nearly burnt the potato waffles for dinner. I wish I had more time for cooking. At least I have been organised enough to make our lunches ready for tomorrow. Now I am just doing the final work on my little stuffed project, and hopefully it will be done tonight.

Can you tell I am really tired?

Promises, promises.

Apologies for the break in service. I was 'sans flaptop' over the weekend while I attended a guide training weekend, and then was simply to shattered last night to post.

I had a great weekend, learning lots of games and songs to play and sing with the brownies, as well as making lots of friends and realising that I need to make the most of the next 15 months in guiding. There will be a lot of chances for me to do great things in that time, some of which may never occur again. In between training, I managed to help solve a murder mystery, barn dance, make a two course dinner and a tent complete with sleeping bag for a Sindy doll, perform a dance to an Abba song, walk in the grounds of Waddow Hall and eat far too much food.

Sunday evening we went out with our neighbours S and J. They wanted to take us out to thank me for helping with sheep shearing earlier this year, which was really quite lovely after only getting back from training around half 4. After work on Monday there was only time for brownies and dinner before bed.

Today was a good day. I was busy at work which made the day go nice and fast. I came home and have had lots of nice hugs from Mr SC. We had sausage and garlic mushroom toast sandwiches for dinner, and I have been enjoying a glass of wine.

More interesting post tomorrow.

The mint with the hole

In the car passing the Nestle factory, and I am inhaling the thick chocolate smell while Mr SC drives. He tells me about the guy he currently works with that used to have a job in the factory. E was there the time that the polo machine jammed and then exploded. There were polos everywhere. I love this idea, like the pocket-watch in Alice in Wonderland that has springs and cogs exploding all over the place. Beautiful.

It keeps me out of trouble.

I tried going to work with Mr SC this morning. He drove us to his work, then I walked to the station and caught the train the rest of the way. For some reason, occasionally the train gives me migraines. This morning was one such time, and I hadn't had one for months. It was awful.

This evening Mr SC was looking after me and made me dinner. Now he is watching the football while I craft and blog. I will have to take a photo of my project, as it is coming along nicely and I feel somewhat proud. I know stuffed toys are a bit of a craze at the moment, but I have always been a fan of fabric and wool crafts. My first stuffed toy was a cat I made when I was about 7 and spending the night at my Mum's friend's house for the night. I was bored and lonely, so my Mum's friend helped me make a stuffed cat. 

Going back to making a stuffed toy, and I decided to start slowly again, but I am hand stitching the felt this time. I have embroidered it in a simple message for Mr SC, and have ordered some kapok type stuff from ebay.

This evening I left work early to drop my wedding dress in to a lady for alterations. It fits perfectly right down to the soles of my feet, which is where the problems start. The dress carries on, and my legs don't. It was lovely to put it on again though, as I haven't worn it since I bought it. Anyway, thats boring wedding stuff, although I reserve the right to mention it again sooner or later. This is my blog after all.

When I got back, Mr SC had been having a bad day at work and was fighting with his motorbike in order to fit a new cable to it. I decided it was best we get out and chill out, so we went to the pub at the top of the hill and had dinner. Our friends T and K turned up a few minutes later, and we had a good old natter. T has just handed in all his university coursework and is on the hunt for a job. I must remember to ask my Dad if he still has a contact in the recruitment company in London. T is one smart cookie, and really should be snapped up immediately by any smart company.

When we had finished eating, a friend of K's knocked on the pub window and called her outside. K wanders out, and is followed by T. We sit for a minute and chat, before T comes racing back in a few steps ahead of K. There is a bundle in K's arms that looks like a half-full paper sack of potatoes. K sits down with the bundle on her lap, and T pulls away a corner of the bag. A slightly disgruntled chicken pops it's head up, and aims several sharp pecks at T. The landlady admits that she has seen everything now.

K's friend's husband had been given a live chicken by a colleague for him to either keep or eat, whichever he fancied. Husband and wife could not face killing and eating the chicken, so was passing it on to K to add to the small flock they already keep. The origin and sex of the chicken is still unknown, although it was declared by T that it was a bit of a gender bending chicken if it wasn't female. Followed by a discussion on the similarities between chickens and a certain variety of frogs that can spontaneously change sex. 

I love my life.

Consummate Professional

A business meeting at half ten in the morning would usually be best preceded by getting up early, completing one's toilette in a calm manner, a sound breakfast, a peaceful journey into the office where one's papers were assembled the previous working day before arriving at the meeting place with a few minutes to spare. Nothing more really needs to be said does it? Me, behaving like that; who am I kidding!

After scraping Mr SC out of bed this morning and cooking sausage and bacon rolls for breakfast, he was a sweetie and fixed my kitchen tap while I tidied up the conservatory. I fixed the tap last time, so I think he wanted to prove that he could do it just as well as I could. I think it helped that I had loosened all the nuts last time! 

I carried on tidying while he watched the Grand Prix, and then we made an emergency dash to Tesco, which I have been putting off for a couple of weeks. They had sweet williams, and my roses from the garden have died, so I popped a bunch in the trolley. Now, with food in the cupboard and a tidy conservatory, I can sit and craft the evening away. Perfect.

Teenagers, huh.

After doing not much other than speak to my brother and parents on the phone all today, I decided that we should go out to the posh burger place I have been promising to take Mr SC to, followed by bowling. Mr SC had a bath while I half assembled a chair that has been sitting in pieces in our house since  we brought it back from my parents house. I'll finish it in the morning, along with the rest of the organising of the conservatory. 

We took the long road into town, down some lovely country roads. I told Mr SC that he needs to teach me how to do handbrake turns. We parked the car, finding a free ticket valid 'til this morning on the ticket machine, and went for a drink in the rock pub. It made me really miss the nights I used to spend in the rock pub where I grew up. The black walls, sticky floors, cleverly grafitti'd toilet walls and the atmosphere of a pub with 30 years of history as a rock venue will forever hold great memories for me. This place had a similar feel to it, although with more class. I would like to head there on Thursday, as it sounds like a good night.

I have a blister. At the burger place we ordered garlic mushrooms, followed by huge burgers. I dug into the mushrooms far too quickly, and the first one burst and spat boiling mushroom juice onto my lip. The garlic mayonnaise was incredibly garlicky though, just perfect. Mr SC really loved his burger, so it was worth it. We laughed at all the drunk students as we walked around town, and decided that come the autumn we should go on one of the evening town walking tours.

At the bowling alley, I won the first game, but then lost two. I also won a game of air hockey, but lost a game of pool. The bowling alley brought on a whole load more reminiscing about even earlier in my teenage years, when groups of us would bowl and loaf all night, and it was one of the only places we could get served alcohol. Bowling is something else Mr SC and I should do more often, although I think both of us will have achy wrists and shoulders tomorrow.

Blogging

This blog is the first time I have really kept a record for myself. I have made notes on myspace and facebook, that all my friends and family were able to read. Acquaintances could google my name or email address and there I was.  Is it weird that I am keeping a record of my life for myself, but leaving it open for strangers to read? Is it weirder than keeping a record of my life for friends and family?

I talked to Mr SilverClouds about this last night, and whether I should make family/friends/the world at large aware of this page, and he made the valid point of asking if I want people judging me from my writing. I am undecided, but if I leave my blog alone, anyone who does stumble upon it is at least there by happy accident of the internet. I even asked Mr SilverClouds if he wanted to read it, and he isn't quite sure. Curiouser and curiouser.

Another thing that interests me is the idea of a blogroll. I am publicly declaring my stalker tendencies here. Yes I like the writing style of these people, and appreciate them putting content out about themselves, but essentially, I am just plain nosy. Is that wrong, or is it really just human nature? Maybe this blog is just my reciprocal sharing, so that I feel less guilty about reading someone else's life story.

Italian night in.

Had my normal dull day of work; nothing interesting to report. Stopped on the way home to get some petrol and something to munch since I had skipped lunch, and walked out of Asda with an Italian feast for two. Munchy bread bits with stuffed peppers and mini pepperoni for starter, followed by fresh tortellini and sauce., along with a bottle of Chianti. Perhaps I should have found some fava beans...

Now I just need a couple of doughnuts and some clips...

Today I had a phone call at work from a really desperate customer. She was running out of options, and told me that I was "her only hope." Of course, I giggled and replied "just call me Obi-Wan." I don't think she caught the reference. I feel saddened by this.

Chippy tea, I want my chippy tea.

Another busy day, and not a lot of time to stop and smell the roses. My tomatoes are growing nicely and my newly planted fuchsia hasn't died yet. 

I stopped to pick up dinner from the chippy tonight. Guiding district meeting so no time to cook. Chips with salt and vinegar and ketchup and mayonnaise, mmmmmmm.

I need to get to bed as my brain is fried and I really need to get into work early tomorrow so that I don't get the sack. Joy.

I don't want to talk about it.

Up, Laundry, Sandwiches, Commute, Work, Queue, Work, Drive, Cook, Wash up, Bath, Bed.

I need a shorter commute.

Manic Monday

I took charge of my first brownie meeting this evening. It was good, although hectic, and I feel much more confident now. I think I need to be stricter with them about time, and I really need to learn more games and songs to do with them. Now I just need to get a move on with the paperwork before the end of term.

I found this website today and wondered if I could fit some to my little Subaru Justy. I need to learn to use photoshop.

How fun would this be?!

Husky Trekking on the Moors.

Now I just have to wait until October to do this. October is also the start date of the open university photography course I would like to take, the month of my wedding to Mr SilverClouds, and the second month of my having joint responsibility for a brownie pack. Maybe I should book a holiday for November?

Kitchen = Stupa

Yesterday got away with me in the end. I scrubbed the rest of the ceiling and the walls in my kitchen, and hung up the Nepalese prayer flags I bought. I did some gardening, planting on the tomatoes and watering my pots. Hung out some washing, and cooked pasta for dinner.

We watched Cloverfield on the big screen TV, and with the surround sound, it made me get into it even more than the first time I watched it. I still think that the characer Hud is a complete wanker, and that the alarms that go off in Beth's building are beyond annoying, but I love how the idea of having one single shot the whole way through really drags you in. I didn't like The Blair Witch Project's way of using that idea, it just felt too cheap and I got sick of seeing really tight close ups of faces. Cloverfield made me feel like I was part of the action.

This morning I am indulging my OCD a little. I hate having paperwork in the house, but I also hate the idea of being left without paperwork that I later need. I finally came up with a solution, and it is going to be a long project, but I will feel better about it. Scanning. I am embarking on a mission to scan all the paperwork I feel the need to keep. Then I can fit it all onto a memory stick and actually put books on my bookshelf instead of paper.

Of sunshine and sunset

I have had a lovely evening. The weather has been scorchio today, so after a quick bath and brush up we decided to head into town to get some dinner. We decided to give indian or chinese food a miss in favour of a little bistro we have found. You leave the beaten track of the town down a little pedestrian side alley. There is a beautiful pink-red brick building with orange framed panelled windows, housing a quaint little bistro. The tables do not match, and neither do the chairs under the green and cream linen covers. 

The menu is on a blackboard on the wall, and includes delicious things like spicy pork lasagna and butternut squash with ratatouille and melted cheese. Mr SilverClouds treated us to a delicious meal, and then we had a wander through town. On the drive home, the sun was just setting, and we stopped for a few minutes to watch the neon pink sun tint the entire horizon the colour of cherry blossom. As we walked up the hill to our home, our neighbour was painting the village hall fence, and Mr SilverClouds commented how much he likes the smell of creosote.  

Reclusive

My hibernation mood is continuing today. I had my hair cut after work, and my new used laptop arrived today, so I have the luxury of typing from the sofa once more.

This morning I put together a lunchbox for Mr SilverClouds and left him a little card in it for him to remind him I love him. 

The weather has been gorgeous this afternoon, and driving home through the lanes with the window open and the sun filtering through the trees was just beautiful. I love where I live.

Impatience

My new used flaptop should be here tomorrow. I was hoping for today, but good old Royal Mail are being their usual speedy selves.

Today is a good day for hibernating, so once we have had our sausage and mash, and Mr SilverClouds has finished watching the football (Come on Barcelona!) there will be much curling up on the sofa and munching of chocolate.

Mr SilverClouds has just told me about a cool-sounding person he met today. He lives in Canada, and has cultivated a network of contacts worldwide with a reciprocal accommodation agreement. This sounds absolutely mind-blowing, and really appeals to me. I love travelling and adventures. I hope that I get a chance to meet him before he heads home.

The sky is falling!

Our barbeque was really good last night. Everyone had a good time, and we didn't poison anyone with the reggae reggae chicken, although our neighbour S found it a bit too spicy. It was lovely to have guests round, and I love to feed people, so it was a great day for me.

At the moment, I seem to keep having dreams where the world is ending. A few days ago, it was something along the lines of 28 Days Later, where most of the population was dead, and I was in a cafe I used to work in remembering when I used to work there. Of course, being a dream, the cafe wasn't the one I worked in as a teenager in real life, and the memories were nothing like my real memories.

Then this morning I had a dream that I was some kind of James Bond spy type person, and my Mum was trying to kill me along with some accomplices. She was chasing me through a cross between a museum/swimming pool/Bangor University Biology Building, and I managed to escape. As I was walking away from that building, I passed a classroom, where the teacher and lab assistants had been doing some sort of genetic experiment. The resultant baby creatures were just changing into some mad dinosaur type horror monsters, and the adults were removing the creatures before the students could see them. The last monster changed before they could move it, and it was going to attack everyone, then I woke up.

I think I may need therapy...

Holiday? Pah!

Today I feel the need to laugh in the face of the idea of bank holidays. Mr SilverClouds is working for 5 hours, so we were up before 8, and I haven't stopped since. We are having a barbeque this afternoon, so between tescos, laundry, cleaning the bathroom and preparing food, I'm having a busy day.

K and D are coming over with their son, and we have also asked our neighbours over. I have enough food for about 10 at least! Chicken is marinating, sausages are defrosting, cheesecake and chocolate fudge cake are on plates and covered ready. I just need to get myself in gear to make coleslaw, slice up the rest of the chicken, and then cook couscous and pasta salad. I love cooking for people, and this will be our first barbeque in this house.

Mr SilverClouds is buying a barbie on the way home, as his sturdy homemade one is in storage at the moment and we cannot get to it. I had best get to scrubbing the outside chairs down, as they have been looking pretty grotty.

Mmmmm sunshine!

Lazy Sunday

I gave in and cleaned the kitchen yesterday, although that was all. Instead I spent time online sending e-mails to see about booking things for my wedding to Mr. SilverClouds. I sometimes wonder how anyone ever found out any useful information before the internet. Need to have a look at some wedding venues to go on the shortlist? Search google and wedding directories. Looking for a cheap and inventive wedding photographer? Email the local uni art/media department. Need to know if a particular place will be open the day after the wedding? Look up their website. These things must have been very time-consuming and expensive before.

We visited our friends K and D last night and stopped over. K and I always have a really good chat, and hopefully we will have a really girly day out to give her a makeover sometime soon. She wants to have a bit of a confidence boost, so we will go to the hairdresser and then hit a department store make-up counter, followed by the shops.

This afternoon our windows were cleaned outside, so then I had to do the inside as well. They look great now, and have a few less cobwebs on them. I also bought a couple of plants for our garden, including bergamot mint which smells delicious. I adore plants that have scented leaves, and have pots of rosemary, lavender, blackcurrant sage and lemon verbena already.

Tonight I am working on another square for the patchwork blanket I am knitting. I will leave you with a quick snap of the work in progress left resting on a snoozing Mr. SilverClouds, who graciously helped me tidy and move furniture in the lounge today.

The first day of the rest of my life.

Today, I should really be tidying the house and cleaning, but instead I am procrastinating. My feet are cold sitting here, but all my socks seem such a long way away. I think I will just edit a couple more photos, and then I will get tidied up.